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Hir mii Vois uv Luving Kiindnus, oo Verjin Dawterz uv Kween Izubelu, and utend thu Hiiust Skql uv Supiryer Lerning: beekawz ii am thu moost Faaverd Wiif uv King Solumun: beekawz ii fownd Wizdum and Goud Understanding, and theirfoor ii root u Bouk foor him, kawld: Thu PROVERBZ uv King Solumun, hwich iz not u Perfikt Bouk; but, it iz u veiree Goud Bouk, eevn an Eksepshunoulee Goud Bouk, hwich sum Peepoul woud saa iz an Ekstreemlee Goud Bouk, hwich awl Wiiz Peepoul shoud Studee: beekawz it kuntaanz menee Graat Trqths and much Wizdum, hwich kaam frum thu Lips oor Mowth uv King Solumun, hq wuz veiree Blest bii thu Supreem Rqler: beekawz hee Chooz Trqths and Wizdum ubuv Richuz and Faam; and theirfoor, God Blest him with awl uv thooz Goud Thingz foor thu Saak uv hiz oon Glooree: beekawz awl Blesingz kum frum thu Supreem Rqler, eevn thoo sum uv thooz Blesingz hav beekum Kersuz tq sum Peepoul: beekawz uv their Priid, beeing Puft Up oover their Blesingz and Richuz. Theirfoor, Hir mii Vois uv Tender Merseez, and Luv mee foor thu Goud Thingz that uu fiind in mee: beekawz ii am yoor moost Luvuboul Muther and Teecher; and ii tel uu theez Impoortunt Thingz beekawz ii Luv uu and Keir foor yer Eeternoul Welfeir.

1) Oo mii Dawterz, dq not louk down on uther Wqmmen beekawz uv yoor Buutee: beekawz Buutee iz u Gift frum thu Master Frrmer, hwich uu did not Giv tq yoorselvz; and it iz oonlee Skin deep, unles it kumz frum u Buutifoul Hrrt and Miind.

2) Oo mii Buutifoul Dawterz, thu Hrrt uv u Trq Laadee must bee moor Pyer than Fiin Goold; yes, moor Pyer than thu Fiinust Silver, hwich haz had awl uv thu Filth and Dros BOILD AWF. Yes, thu Goold and Silver must bee hiilee Reefiind in thu Fernis uv Uflikshunz, until awl uv thee Unkleennus iz Therulee Reemqvd bii Fiieree Triioulz. Liikwiiz, evree Spirit uv Man and Wqmman must bee Testid bii Meenz uv Vareeus Fiieree Temptaashunz bii Meenz uv thu Flesh, in Oorder foor thu Master Frrmer tq Diskuver thu Trq Valuu uv eech wun: soo that eech wun miit bee Jujd and Justlee Reewoordid in thu Kingdum uv Awl that iz Goud, oor els bee Kast Owt intq thu Kingdum uv Awl that iz Eevoul.

3) Theirfoor, thu Sool hq iz not Testid in thu Reefiining Pot uv Pyerufikaashun, iz not Werthee tq Enter intq thu Kingdum uv Elooheem, ower Supreem Rqling Famulee uv Hoolee Wunz: beekawz that Sool iz not Kwolufiid tq Rql, oor Guvern eneewun.

4) Oo mii Luvlee Dawterz, if uu OOBAA mii Vois and keep AWL uv mii Kumandmints, uu wil bee fownd Werthee tq Rql with thu Graatust uv awl Kingz within hiz Hoolee Kingdum; but, if uu Disoobaa mii Vois, and goo yer oon Eevoul Waaz, uu shal bee Punisht bii yer oon Disoobeedeeuns and Reebelyun. Yes, uu shal get yoor Just Reewoord, eevn dering this Liif; and hq nooz hwut wil kum tq thooz Peepoul dering thu nekst Liif, in thu World tq kum foor them??

5) Theirfoor, dq not Louk at Yung Men, in Oorder tq LUST after them, in Oorder tq hav LONGING DIZIIERZ tq Plaa with their Musoulz and tq Handoul their Flesh: beekawz it shal leed tq Unkuntrooluboul Pashunz, and in thee End it wil bring Siknus, Dizeez, and Deth: beekawz it iz riten, “Tq bee Krrnoulee-miindid iz Spirichoul Deth and Self-deestrukshun.”

6) Oo mii Faathfoul Dawterz, it iz much Beter foor uu tq hav WUN Goud Huzbund hq Trqlee and Sinsirlee Luvz uu and Keirz foor uu, than tq Lii in thu Bed uv Lust with Seven Yung Men hq oonlee Wont tq UUZ uu, and then goo on in their Waaz tq fiind uther Wqmmen tq Lust after and Ubuuz. Indeed, if thaa dq Sinsirlee Luv uu, thaa wil bee kwiit wiling tq waat until thaa rr Mareed tq uu, beefoor thaa hav Sekshuwoul Reelaashunz with uu: beekawz Trq Luv Wonts tq Oobaa thu Lawz uv thu Kreeaater ubuv awl els, and hee iz thu Hoolee Wun hq Oordaand Marij frum thu Beegining, and Kumandid awl Yung Peepoul tq Reemaan Verjinz until thaa rr Mareed.

7) Theirfoor, dq not Yeeld tq thu Temptaashun tq reech owt and Tuch evree Hansum Yung Man hq wonderz bii: beekawz it shal leed tq SIN, and Sin iz thu Transgreshun uv thu Lawz uv thu Kreeaater and Supreem Rqler, hq Luvz and Prooteks thooz Peepoul hq Humblee Oobaa hiz Vois. Theirfoor, bee Wiiz, and Giv yoor Ufekshun tq yoor Sisterz and Brutherz, and tq yoor Muther and Fother, bii Meenz uv Huging and Kising them at Tiimz hwen uu Feel thu Need foor Ufekshun: beekawz uv beeing Deepriivd uv Flesh-tq-Flesh Kontakt; and theirbii Abstaan frum having Seks, until uu rr Mareed tq sumwun that uu Luv.

8) Oo mii Faathfoul Dawterz, it iz much Beter foor uu tq hav WUN Faathfoul Huzbund, than tq hav u thowzund Insinsir and Fawls-hrrtid Boi Frendz, hq wil oonlee UUZ uu and DISPOOZ uv uu liik an Oold Sower Wosh Rag: beekawz thaa hav Lost their Reespekt foor uu, sins uu Yeeldid tq thu Spirit uv Lust, and gaav in tq them and their Lusts. And hq kan Luv sumwun hqm thaa dq not Reespekt? Theirfoor, keep their Reespekt bii beeing Strong, and dq not Yeeld tq thu Spirit uv Lust: beekawz Graat shal bee yoor Reewoord in thu Kingdum uv Awl that iz Goud.

9) Hwen uu goo tq thu Mrrkit Plaas, in Oorder tq Traad yoor Frqts and Vejutuboulz, dq not stand their Louking liik u Hrrlut hq kanot waat tq jump intq thu Bed uv Lust with thu ferst Hoornee Dog hq kumz ulong; but, weir yoor Modust Dres, and kuver yoor Faas with u Vaal: soo that utherz wil not bee Lusting after uu beekawz uv thu Buutee uv yoor Faas. And then, hwen uu Diskuver u Sqtuboul and Luvuboul Yung Man hqm uu woud liik tq Maree, taak awf yoor Vaal and shoo tq him yoor Buutifoul Faas: beekawz that wil gaan hiz Luv and Reespekt: beekawz hee wil Noo that uu kunsider him tq bee sumwun veiree Speshoul tq uu; and hee wil Understand that uu Wont tq Maree him, and this wil bee liik u Bond beetween uu and him, liik u Goolden Ring, hwich Biindz uu Tqgether Foorever, hwich iz HWII hee iz kawld u HuzBAND.

10) Oo mii Verjin Dawterz, MARIJ iz foor LIIF, and uu must keep yoor Kumitmint, Ugreemint, and PROMIS: beekawz thu Supreem Rqler wil Dispiiz uu, if uu Braak yoor Vowz tq him.

11) Maak yoor MARIJ VOWZ liik this: “Ii, (giv yoor foul Naam), Surender tq uu, (giv hiz foul Naam), mii Beeluvd Huzbund, tq bee yoor moost Faathfoul and Luving Kumpanyun, tq hav and tq hoold, tq Luv and Oobaa uu, tq Sheir and tq Serv, tq Lisun tq and giv Utenshun tq uu until thee End uv this Liif. Ii Vow tq thu Moost Hii Rqler uv Hevn and Erth, that ii wil Luv and Oobaa uu until Deth Sepuraats us, foor Beter oor foor Wers, foor Richer oor foor Pqrer, dering Siknus oor dering Goud Helth, dering Hrrd Tiimz oor dering Eezee Tiimz, with oor withowt Frendz oor Relutivz, in mii Hows oor in yoor Hows oor in enee Hows, in this Land oor in that Land, on Land oor on thu See: beekawz ii Luv uu soo much. Ii Promis tq goo with uu hweirever uu goo, if uu Wont mee and if ii am aaboul, and dq hwutever uu ask mee tq dq, Wilinglee and Chirfoulee: beekawz ii Oner uu and Trust that uu Luv mee, and beekawz ii Wont tq bee yoor Faathfoul Helpmaat. Ii Promis tq freelee giv tq uu awl uv thu Sekshuwoul Interkoors that uu Wont, az long az ii am not Pregnunt, Sik, Dizeezd, noor Wqndid. Ii Promis tq Fast and Praa until ii get Helthee, if ii beekum Sik, Dizeezd, oor Wqndid; and ii ekspekt uu tq dq thu saam. Mooroover, if ii Kumit Udulteree, awl that ii Poozes wil beelong tq uu, inklqding thu Children, if uu Wont them. Ii hav Persunoulee red oor Herd beeing red awl uv thu Saakred Riitingz in thu Trqth-breiree (az Upoozd tq u Publik LII-breiree), and ii Promis tq dq mii Best tq Oobaa thu Trqths, hwich rr in awl uv thooz Goud Bouks, tq thu Best uv mii Ubilutee with yoor Help; and ower Marij wil bee Kumpleet if uu Promis tq dq thu saam. It iz mii Graat Luv foor uu that maaks mee saa this Vow in frunt uv Witnisuz in Hevn and on Erth this XX Daa uv thu Munth uv XXXXX, in thu Yir XXXX. Aamen.”

12) Oo mii Sinsir Dawterz, ii Beg uu not tq maak yoor Vowz tq enee Man hq wil not Promis tq uu, hwiil in thu Prezuns at leest 2 Udult Witnisuz uv Upstanding Karikterz, that hee wil Luv and Oobaa AWL uv thu Kumandmints uv thu Supreem Rqler uv this Hevn and Erth. Dq not Maree u Man hq wil not maak this Vow tq uu: “Ii, (giv foul Naam), taak uu, (giv foul Naam), mii Beeluvd Wiif, tq bee mii moost Faathfoul and Luving Kumpanyun, tq hav and tq hoold, tq Luv and tq Rql Oover uu with Trq Luv, tq Oner and tq Serv uu az Best ii kan with hwut ii hav tq Werk with, tq Lisun tq and giv Utenshun tq until Deth Sepuraats us, foor Beter oor foor Wers, foor Richer oor foor Pqrer, dering Siknus oor dering Goud Helth, dering Hrrd Tiimz oor dering Eezee Tiimz, with oor withowt Frendz oor Relutivz, in mii Hows oor in yoor Hows oor in enee Hows, on Land oor See, in this Land oor in that Land: beekawz ii Luv uu soo much. Ii Vow tq thu Moost Hii Rqler that ii wil Luv uu bii Oobaaing awl uv thu Lawz and Rqlz uv thu Moost Hii Rqler, hwich hee haz given tq hiz Hoolee Profuts, and ii wil dq mii Best tq Liv bii evree Werd that haz prooseedid owt uv hiz Mowth thrq hiz Hoolee Profuts. Ii Promis tq taak Goud Keir uv uu and Prooviid thu Nusesuteez uv Liif — eevn Pyer Woter, Goud Fqdz, Proper Shelter, Deesunt Kloothing, wel-maad Hand Tqlz, and hwutever wee Need and rr aaboul tq Ern bii Onust Laaber, withowt gooing intq Det. Ii Promis tq Prootekt and Deefend uu az long az uu rr in thu Riit Waa. Ii Promis not tq Ubuuz, Misuuz, Beet, noor Wqnd uu. Ii Understand that ii am thu Rqler uv this Hows-hoold, and mii Werdz rr thu Law: beekawz ii hav thu God-givn Riit tq maak thu Fiinoul Disizhun; and theirfoor ii taak foul Reesponsubilutee foor awl uv mii Akshunz and Werdz, and ii Understand that ii shal giv an Ukownt tq thu Moost Hii Rqler uv Hevn and Erth, foor awl that ii saa and dq. Ii Promis tq bee Paashunt, Onust, Jenerous, and Faathfoul tq uu; but, if ii Kumit Udulteree, awl that ii Poozes wil beelong tq uu: beekawz uu wer Faathfoul and rr Werthee. Ii Promis tq Fast and Praa until ii get Helthee, if ii beekum Sik, Dizeezd, oor Wqndid. Ii hav Persunoulee red oor Herd red awl uv thu Werdz in awl uv thu Goud Bouks in thu Trqth-breiree, and ii Promis tq dq mii Best tq Oobaa awl uv thu Trqths that ii hav fownd within them. Ii wil awlwaaz Trii tq Louk foor thu Goud Thingz ubowt uu, and Luv uu foor thooz Thingz; but, if uu dq Rong, ii wil awlsoo Trii tq Koorekt uu in u Kiind and Luving Waa. And if uu get Owt uv Kuntrool, ii wil preezent mii Kaas in frunt uv u Juj, beefoor ii wil taak it upon miiself tq Punish uu. Ii wil Oobaa thu Lawz uv thu Land, az long az thaa rr not in Konflikt with thu Lawz uv thu Supreem Rqler. And if ii Ubuuz oor Mistreet uu, oor thu Children, ii ekspekt uu tq preezent yoor Kaas in frunt uv u Juj: soo that hee miit Punish mee Ukoording tq mii Sinz. Ii maak this Vow, and saa awl uv theez Impoortunt and Biinding Thingz in frunt uv Riichus Witnisuz in Hevn and on Erth, in Oorder tq taak uu tq bee mii Lawfoulee Wedid Wiif this XX Daa uv thu Munth uv XXXXX, in thu Yir uv ower Unointid Saavyer XXXX: beekawz uv mii Graat Luv and Reespekt foor uu. Aamen.”

13) Oo mii Dawterz, yoor Maan Gool dering this Liif, iz tq raaz up HOOLEE Children, hq rr not Poozest with Unkleen Spirits, oor Deemunz. Indeed, uu Wont Inusunt and Hapee Children, hq Sleep in Pees, hq rr not Reebelyus, Irutuboul, Kuntenshous, noor Deeprest. Uu Wont Children hq rr liik yer oon Brutherz, hq Luv AWL that iz Goud. Theirfoor, keep yoor Bowlz PYERUFIID bii Meenz uv Fasting, folood bii Eeting Goud Sweet Frqts frum thu Treez uv Liif, soo that uu giv Berth tq Hoolee Children: beekawz it iz ritn, “Bee uu Kleen, Pyer, and Hoolee: beekawz Ii, yoor Kreeaater and Supreem Rqler, am Kleen, Pyer, and Hoolee.” And ugen it iz ritn: “NOO Unkleen Thing noor Unkleen Persun shal Enter intq thu Hoolee Kingdum uv Awl that iz Goud.” And THAT iz thu TRQTH, mii Beeluvd Dawterz, eeven if uu dq not hav thu Nesuseiree Faath tq Aksept it, riit now. However, uu wil Beeleev it, hwen uu get Sik oor Dizeezd Eenuf: beekawz uu wil not liik thu Smel uv Vomit and Siknus in yoor Hows uv Lust, and uu wil Reeuliiz that noo such Vomit noor Siknus kan Enter intq that Hoolee Plaas, hwich iz Preepeird foor thu Hoolee Wunz. Neether wil uu Wont enee Sik Persun Living within yoor Hows uv Luv. Liikwiiz, thu Supreem Rqler haz thu veiree saam Upinyun az enee Helthee Persun woud hav. Oonlee Sik Peepoul liik tq see utherz Sik. Oonlee Sik-miindid Peepoul Wont tq get uu Sik. Unkleen Peepoul kanot stand thu Thots uv uu Ooverkuming thu Lusts uv thu Flesh, and Eskaaping frum their Nets and Traps. Indeed, thaa Wont tq hav Kuntrool Oover uu, and thu best Waa tq dq that, iz tq keep uu SIKER than themselvz. Theirfoor, thaa wil dq their Best tq Intiis uu tq Eet, eevn hwen uu rr not thu sliitust bit Hunggree; and sum Fqlz wil eevn FOORS their litoul Children tq Eet GRRBIJ and Dringk POIZUNZ, hwich rr not fit tq Eet noor Dringk: beekawz uv their Vaan Trudishunz and Fqlish Filosufeez. Mooroover, thaa wil awfn bee hiilee Ufendid, if uu Reefuuz tq Eet with them: beekawz thaa Wont uu tq Enjoi hwutever thaa Enjoi; but, thaa wil never hav thu JOI uv thu Hoolee Wunz, hq Deenii themselvz uv thu Vaan Plezherz uv this Werld, in Oorder tq Enjoi thu Trq Plezherz that kum bii Meenz uv Luving thu Werdz uv Trqth. Uu maa Eet hwutever GOUD Thingz that rr set in frunt uv uu; but, dq not Eet enee uv their Fqdz that yoor Kreeaater haz Foorbidn, noor enee Poizund Fqdz: beekawz thaa wil maak uu Sik and oor Dizeezd. And if yoor Huzbund triiz tq Foors uu tq Eet sumthing, hwich uu dq not Wont tq Eet, just Reemiind him uv hiz Vowz — how hee Promist uu that hee woud Luv uu and Trii tq dq hiz Best in Oorder tq taak GOUD KEIR uv uu, bii Feeding uu PYER Woter and GOUD Fqdz. Thu Werd PYER meenz UNDEEFIILD. Such Woter koud bee thu Nacheroul Jqs uv u Wotermelun oor uv an Inmuchqer Kookunut — liik thu “Woter uv Liif” frum thu Treez uv Liif — oor, it koud bee Spring Woter. “Bee it untq uu Ukoording tq yoor Faath, Hoop, Eksersiiz, Trust, Paashuns, and Luv.” It iz Best tq Dringk Woter frum Frqts, insted uv Spring Woter, if uu Therst. Neverthules, it iz not Goud tq Dringk tq much Fresh Frqt Jqs, and espeshulee if uu hav bin Eeting Rong Fqdz: beekawz it wil lqsun up tq menee Poizunz within yoor Bowlz, and that wil maak uu Week, oor eevn Sik! Liikwiiz, just tq EET tq menee Fresh Frqts, hwen uu rr not uust tq Eeting them, koud maak uu veiree Week and Sik. It iz Best tq get yoor Jqs frum Eeting thu Fresh Sweet Raw Frqts, themselvz: beekawz yoor Bowlz need RUFIJ, in Oorder tq SWEEP OWT thu Sliim in thee Intestinoul Piip. It iz Best tq Eet evreething in u Nacheroul Staat, oor Nacheroul Kundishun, if posuboul; but, that duz not meen tq Eet RAW EGZ, inklqding thu Shelz, noor enee uther such “UNnacheroul Fqd” foor Man. Thu Nacheroul Fqd foor Mankiind iz thu Frqt frum thu Tree uv Liif — not Ded Krrkusuz uv awl Kiindz uv Beests, noor their Egz. It iz trq that Peepoul KAN Eet awlmoost eneething — eeven NAALZ, GLAS, and SKRQZ — but, that duz not meen that such Thingz rr Proper noor Nacheroul foor US tq Eet. Their iz much moor tq bee Lernd kunserning theez Subjikts, hwich uu kan fiind in u Trqth-breiree, az upoozd tq u Publik LII-breiree.

14) Oo mii Sweet Children, Lisun tq mii Goud Instrukshunz: beekawz ii Speek tq thee Inusunt Sool, and II BEG UU tq Foloo after AWL that iz Goud, with awl uv yoor Hrrt: beekawz their rr Ekskwizit Trezherz laad up in thu Kingdum uv thu Graat King, just foor thooz Beeleeverz hq wil Humblee Oobaa hiz Vois and DISUPLIN themselvz withowt beeing Foorst tq Oobaa. That iz hwii uu must bee Wiiz, oo Dawterz uv Kween Izubelu, and Koort u Man hq Luvz thu Trqth: soo that booth uv uu kan taak thu Tiim tq Studee awl uv theez Impoortunt Thingz, Tqgether: beekawz it iz u Graat JOI tq Diskuver such EK-SKWIZ-IT Trezherz uv TRQTH. Theirfoor, ii wil Giv tq uu mii Goud Adviis, oo Verjin Dawterz uv Kween Izubelu — dq NOT Maree u Man, until uu hav KOORTID him bii Studeeing thu Lawz and Rqlz, TQGETHER, FERST. Then uu must goo with him tq KOORT, in frunt uv thu Riichus Juj, in Oorder tq fiind owt if hee NOOZ AWL UV THU LAWZ and RQLZ: beekawz THAT iz hwut it Meenz tq KOORT! Theirfoor, taak him bii thu Hand, and tel him that uu Luv him, and that uu Wont tq Koort him if hee Luvz uu. And get him tq Ugree that hee wil Koort uu, and then reed theez Werdz tq him; and if hee stil Ugreez tq Koort uu, then uu hav noo dowt fownd u Trq Luver; but, if hee Disugreez, and wil not Koort uu, then uu shoud Kuver yoor Faas with yoor Vaal, and wawk Uwaa in Pees: beekawz it iz moost Obveeus that hee iz not Sinsirlee Seeking thu Riit Path, hwich Leedz tq Everlasting Goud Helth and Trq Hapeenus in thu Blest Kingdum uv Awl that iz Goud. Indeed, it iz Obveeus that hee iz oonlee LUSTING after yoor Bodee, and duz not Keir ubowt thee Eeternoul Welfeir uv yoor Spirit: beekawz hee iz u Selfish Persun, hq Studeez hiz Faas in thu Mirer, in Oorder tq Admiier hiz oon Buutee, and iz probublee in Luv with himself; but, hee Reefuuzuz tq Louk intq thu Mirer uv Trqth, in Oorder tq Diskuver that hwich miit Prqv him tq bee Rong! Howbeeit, if hee iz Wiling tq Koort uu, hav him reed this Bouk ulowd tq uu, wun Parugraf at u Tiim, ulowing uu tq reed eech Parugraf ulowd just after hee finishuz reeding it. Reepeet eech Parugraf until uu foulee Understand it, and then goo on tq unuther Parugraf. And if uu kanot Understand it, just ask foor sum Help frum sumwun hq haz Koortid beefoor — such az yoor Fother oor Muther! Oo mii Dawterz, ii Foorbid uu tq hav eneething tq dq with u Man hq Dispiizuz theez Werdz uv Trqth: beekawz hee iz Reelaatid tq u Liier and u Diseever.

15) Now, ii noo that moost uv us dq not liik thu Werd, “OOBAA,” unles wee wer raazd up Properlee, in Oorder tq Luv it, oor unles it meenz that sumwun must Oobaa US; but, it iz u veiree Goud Werd: beekawz it bringz OORDER intq u Werld uv Kunfuuzhun and Disoorder, which Oorder bringz PEES. And withowt Oorder, their iz NOO Pees noor Hapeenus. Thu Reezun that moost Peepoul dq not liik thu Sownd uv that Werd, “OOBAA,” iz beekawz thaa reelaat it with thu Vaan and Fqlish Lawz uv MEN — such az thu FOORSING uv AWL Wqmmen tq weir VAALZ oover their Faasuz, hwiil in Publik Plaasuz. Such Lawz wil Gaan NUTHING but Reebelyun, unles thaa rr VOLUNTEIRULEE Folood. And in that Kaas, thaa must bee kawld RQLZ — NOT Lawz! RQLZ rr FLEKSUBOUL — beeing AKSEPTUBOUL oor REEJEKTUBOUL, Ukoording tq how eech Persun Louks at them. However, if uu Wont thu Blesingz uv thu Supreem Lawgiver and RQLer, uu must VOLUNTIR tq Oobaa hiz Lawz: beekawz their iz u KERS that kumz with INFOORST Lawz, hwich iz kawld PUNISHMENT. That iz HWII Fqlish Men Bild PRIZUNZ foor themselvz: beekawz thaa Trii tq Rql bii FOORS, and noo wun liiks tq bee Foorst tq dq Goud — espeshulee hwen thaa hav bin uus tq dqing Eevoul! Theirfoor, awl Children must bee INVIITID tq dq Goud, and shoon thu REEZULTS uv dqing Goud and Eevoul.

16) LOUK, mii Dawterz, just LOUK at awl uv thooz Eevoul Men hq Trii tq FOORS their Wiivz and Children tq OOBAA them; but, thaa just Reebel, moor and moor, until at last it leedz tq Rrguumunts, Fiitingz, Beetingz, and eeven Divoorsuz! Woo tq thooz Unbeeleeverz hq wil not Aksept mii Goud Adviis: beekawz ii Speek thu plaanust Werdz uv Trqth. Awl Peepoul must Lern tq Chirfoulee VOLUNTIR tq Oobaa, oor els thaa wil NOT bee Hapee with themselvz. Thaa rr NOT STUBERN Muulz, hq must bee Briidould and Hwipt intq Submishun; but, thaa rr Tender Soolz, hq must bee Tawt thu Trqth, and Perswaadid bii u Goud Igzampoul uv sumwun hq Luvz thu Trqth; and thaa must bee Luvd bii Meenz uv much Ufekshun, and Disuplind with Graat Keir. Indeed, thaa must bee Tawt that their iz u Graat Reewoord Promist tq awl uv thooz Wiiz Peepoul hq Humblee Submit and Oobaa: beekawz that givz tq them u Goud Reezun tq Wont tq dq it. Mooroover, u Huzbund must bee u Goud Igzampoul foor hiz Wiif and Children: soo that thaa wil WONT tq Foloo him. Thaa must bee INTIIST tq dq Goud, not Foorst intq it. Neverthules, hwen Wiivz and Children Disoobaa thu Lawz, thaa Need tq bee Punisht, Ukoording tq thu Law — eeven thu saam az Men rr Punisht, if thaa Noo hwut iz Riit and Rong. Their iz u Tiim tq uuz Foors, and u Tiim not tq uuz it; but, it iz Beter tq just Fast and Praa until thu Koorekshun iz maad, hwich Chaanjuz thu Sichuwaashun. [See: 40 Good Reasons WHY People Should Fast and Pray!] And it iz Beter foor u Famulee tq Fast and Praa, TQGETHER, az much az iz Reezunuboul: beekawz that iz thu moost Jentoul and Ufektiv FOORS in thu Uunivers, hwich iz Garunteed tq hav u Goud Reezult. Indeed, THAT iz TRQ LUV in Werd and in Deed: beekawz it iz Oobeedeeuns tq thu Lawz uv thu Master Juj, hq maad Fasting and Praaing u Remudee foor AWL Aalmunts. Indeed, it eevn Inliitnz thu Miind Eenuf that it miit See HOW tq Solv awl Problumz. It iz thu Ferst Mowntun hwich wun must Kliim Oover, beefoor hee oor shee kan Reech thu Land uv Perfikt Wunnus on thee Uther Siid. Theirfoor, uuz that Graat Foors uv Trq Luv, in Oorder tq OOVERKUM awl Sinz, and get thu Werld in Oorder wuns ugen — beegining with yer oon Priivut Werld uv Kunfuuzhun, with YOORSELF!

17) Oo mii Oobeedeeunt Dawterz, uu kan eezulee See that it iz much Beter tq Chirfoulee Submit, than tq Reebel and Fiit Ugenst yoor Parents: beekawz then their rr noo Rrguumunts, noor Punishmunts. Mooroover, ower Hevnlee Fother duz not BEET us intq Submishun, az sum Men seek tq dq; but, hee duz Trii tq Koorekt us with soo-kawld “Aksudents,” Siknisuz, Dizeezuz, Injereez, Maamingz, Wqndingz, Faminz, Woorz, Plaagz, Firfoul Stoormz, Volkaanooz, Erthkwaaks, Fludz, Fiierz, Teirerists, Imprizunmunt, and eneething that hee kan uuz in Oorder tq get ower Utenshun — eevn thoo awl uv thooz “Eevoul Thingz” rr brot on bii ower oon Reebelyun and Disoobeedeeuns. Indeed, if hiz Luv and Ufekshun iz IGNOORD, hwut els kan hee dq? Hee must Trii tq Koorekt us, if wee rr dqing Rong, oor els hee woud not Luv us. Neverthules, hee duz not BEET on us foor evree litoul Mistaak that wee maak, oor els wee woud get Beeten tq Deth within u Week oor 2! Indeed, menee Peepoul woud Dii on thu Spot at thu Seenz uv their Kriimz, if hee Persqd such Swift Justis. Theirfoor, hee awfn lets us get bii with “Merder,” uu miit saa, foor uhwiil — until wee beegin tq Feel Giltee and Ushaamd uv owerselvz; and then hee beeginz tq Teech tq us sertn Lesunz ubowt hiz Waaz. However, menee Peepoul thingk that just beekawz thaa hav not shed sumwun’z Blud, that thaa rr not Merdererz; but, it iz LIIK Merder just tq Haat sumwun withowt u Just Kawz: beekawz such Haatred kan Leed tq Bludshed. And their rr menee Peepoul hq thingk that awl Merdererz shoud bee pout tq Deth, ulong with awl Drugpousherz and Raapists; but, their iz u Beter Waa tq deel with awl uv thooz Problumz, and that Waa iz bii Fasting and Praaing: beekawz it bringz Peepoul intq Submishun tq Awl that iz Goud. Indeed, eevn thu Merderer kan Reepent and bee Foorgivn, az wel az thee Udulterer, Glutn, Raapist, Theef, Drungkerd, and Drugpousher. Ferthermoor, AWL such Peepoul must Fast and Praa TQGETHER, az wun Graat Bodee uv Beeleeverz, eevn az thu Peepoul uv thee entiier Sitee uv Ninuvu, Fastid and Praad foor 40 Daaz and 40 Niits, hwiil thaa Paashuntlee Waatid, in Oorder tq See if thu Supreem Rqler woud Deestroi them, oor not! [See: The New MAGNIFIED Version of JONAH!] Theirfoor, how els wil uu hav Sukses, if uu dq not dq Liikwiiz? However, it iz not posuboul tq Bild Eenuf Prizunz, in Oorder tq Howz awl uv thu Spoild Children, hwich u Wikid Guvernmunt kan Proodqs, bii Foorbiding Parents tq Koorekt their oon Children bii deeniiing them uv Fqdz foor u sertun Tiim. Neverthules, their rr bownd tq bee thooz Fqlz hq goo tq EKSTREEMZ, and eevn Strrv their Children tq Deth, bii beeing Ooverlee Zelus — and then Blaam MEE foor teling them tq dq it — hwen ii hav toold them that thu Supreem Rqler haz striktlee FOORBIDEN awl such Insaan Thingz! Moost Children wil Humblee Submit after mising oonlee WUN MEEL: soo HWII bee u FUNATIK ubowt it? On thee uther Hand, hwii bee Lqkwoorm and Indiferunt ubowt it?

18) Lisun tq mee, oo Thotfoul Dawterz uv Kween Izubelu: beekawz ii wil Teech tq uu HOW tq get Wizdum. Yes, ii wil taak uu intq thu Seekrit Trezher-hows uv thu Graat King, and ii wil shoo tq uu Aanshunt Mistreez, hwich hav long bin Lokt up and Hidn frum thee Iiz uv thu Werldlee-wiiz Peepoul: beekawz thaa rr Unwerthee tq Lern such Graat Trqths: beekawz uv beeing soo Prowd uv their much Lerning, az if thaa miit hav Inventid Trqths and Wizdum, themselvz! Indeed, thaa woud liik tq Lern hwut uu hav awlredee Lernd; but, thaa kanot stand tq bee Reeprqvd bii thu Trqth. Noo, but thaa woud rather Hrrdn their Hrrts and Shut their Irz: soo that thaa woud haf tq Bild moor and moor Prizunz foor their Reboul Children; but, thu Trqth shal set uu Free and keep uu Free frum their Prizun uv Liiz, hwen uu Praktis it.

19) Wizdum iz wun uv thu Graatust Gifts frum thu Master Frrmer that u Persun kan get, and theirfoor fuu Men hav it: beekawz thaa rr Unwerthee. Indeed, moost Men rr Boorn Reboulz, hq Reefuuz tq Lern thu Saaingz uv thu Wiiz Peepoul. Indeed, thaa eevn Usqm that thu Moost Hii Rqler iz not Aaboul tq giv u Wqmman moor Wizdum than hee givz tq Men. Theirfoor, thaa rr Bliindid bii their Unbeeleevuboul PRIID. Yes, thaa USQM that just beekawz thaa rr MEN, that THAT Fakt uv Liif, uloon, maaks them Beter in thee Iiz uv thu Moost Hii Rqler; but, it duz not. In Fakt, thu Humboul and Oobeedeeunt Wqmman iz FRR moor Blest, than thu Prowd and Vaan Fqlz hq BOOST ubowt their Strength: beekawz thu Supreem Rqler Givz tq thooz Wqmmen u Poorshun uv hiz WIZDUM and GOUD Understanding.

20) Now, uu wil haf tq Ugree with wun Thing, oo Dawterz uv Kween Izubelu, that this iz u MAN’Z Werld, and thaa Rql Oover it; but, how dq thaa noo HQ thaa wil bee, dering thu nekst Liif? Theirfoor, if uu Liv Ukoording tq mii Lawz, oo Dawterz uv Law, Oorder, Oobeedeeuns, Pees, and Trq Prospeirutee, uu wil Rql Oover them dering thu nekst Liif: beekawz uu wil bee fownd Werthee. Indeed, it iz ritn in thu Beegining, that thu Kreeaater maad MAN in hiz oon Imij — hee Kreeaatid awl uv them booth Maal AND Freemaal. Theirfoor, thu Freemaal iz FREE beekawz her Huzbund Rqlz Oover her, and hee Aksepts foul Reesponsubilutee foor awl that shee sez and duz; and theirfoor, hee wil giv an Ukownt foor hwutever hee haz had her dq, oor hwutever hee haz dun foor oor ugenst her. Mooroover, thu Supreem Rqler haz awl uv thee Atribuuts uv u Goud MAN. Hee iz Strong, Prootektiv, Disuplind, Jentoul, Luving, Ufekshunit, Faathfoul, Kiind, Kumpashunit, Deefending, Stedfast, Kuraajous, Simputhetik, Keiring, Kunsernd, Deesiisiv, Jelus, Uthoorutaativ, Paashunt, Haats Eevoul, Luvz Goud, haz Jujmint and Disernmint, iz Thotfoul, Kunsiderit, Jenerous, Foorsfoul, Graasfoul, Kerteeus, Poizd, wel Balunst, wel Manerd, Helpfoul, Aktiv, Aaboul, Dignufiid, Staatlee, Nooboul, Praaz Werthee, Piius, Thangkfoul, Imajinutiv, Inventiv, Foorgiving, and haz u Goud Sens uv Huumer; but, not u Jookster; hee iz Soober, Fleksuboul, Strikt, Igzakt, Prisiis, Akyerit; u Perfekshunist tq sum Digree, an Ekstreemist in u Riit Waa, and u Reeulist; hee iz Hapee, Joifoul, Enthqzeeastik, Chirfoul, Kwiiut, Reezervd, Humboul, Modust, Plaan, Simpoul, Kompleks, beeyond Kompreehenshun, Kontruvershoul, Utraktiv, Skilfoul, Klever, Wiiz, Just, Feir, Eezee tq get ulong with, not Efeminit, reekwiierz Eksersiiz, Luvz Werk, iz Fertoul, haz Riichus Angger, Thingks noo Eevoul, iz Braav, Boold, Deiring, Advencherous, Magnanumous, Magnetik, Prosperous, Pozutiv, Powerfoul, Puunitiv, Pyer, “RADIKOUL,” Moderit, Onust, Saantlee, Siiuntifik, kan bee Ufendid, Anggerd, and Shokt; must hav hiz oon Waa in hiz oon Hows and Kingdum, Deemandz Reespekt, Kumandz Rqlership, iz thu Hed and Sool uv Awl that iz Goud, kanot toleraat Ubominaashunz and Liiz, and in fiin iz evreething u Wqmman woud Wont foor u Perfikt Huzbund! Hiz RATH iz Unbeirublee SKOORCHING HOT; but, it iz oonlee Poord owt on hiz Enumeez! Noo wun with an Unkleen Tung kan stand in hiz Prezuns. Hee wil hav hiz oon Waa in thee End; but, foor now hee WINGKS at ower Fqlishnus: beekawz hee Nooz that wee rr just Loolee WERMZ, kumpeird with him and hiz Awsum Power and Graat Glooree. Neverthules, eevn az Wermz, hee stil Luvz us and Keirz foor us moor than wee Luv and Keir foor owerselvz. Indeed, hee iz veiree Kunsernd foor ower Welfeir: beekawz hee iz ower Hevnlee Fother and Trq Frend. And thu Persun hq duz not Oner him foor Awl that hee iz, iz just u FQL.

21) Thu Waa uv Vaan Men iz tq FOORS themselvz and their Iideeuz ontq utherz; but, Wizdum Teechuz us tq bee Kiind and Paashunt with awl Peepoul: beekawz thu Best Wun uv us haz not bin Diskuverd, yet. †‡ Their iz u graat deel uv Evudens tq Prqv that thu Best uv us rr not much Beter than thu Werst uv us, eksept bii Meenz uv thu Graas uv God: beekawz wee hav AWL Sind and Fawlen frum that Perfikt Staat uv Hevnlee Blis. And hwen ii saa that AWL hav Sind, ii meen AWL — inklqding thu Ferst Man, Adum, hq iz awlsoo thu Last Man, eevn thu Perfikt Adum, hq wil bee Perfektid on u Toorcher Staak. HQ kan saa that hee oor shee iz Free? Thu Huumun Famulee iz liik WUN BODEE, and eech Persun iz liik WUN SEL within thu Bodee; and az long az enee wun Prrt uv thu Bodee iz Sufering, thee entiier Bodee iz Sufering ulong with it. Soo, HOW kan eneewun bee Perfiktlee Free, until wee rr AWL Free? Oonlee thu moost Humboul Men and Oobeedeeunt Wqmmen kan saa that thaa hav Taastid Trq Freedum; but, eevn thaa hav Graat Srroo foor thu Lost and foor thu Diiing Soolz: beekawz eevn thee Unointid Saavyer, himself, iz u Man uv Srrooz, and Ukwaantid with Greef; and theirfoor, hee iz Dispiizd and Reejektid bii Men hq dq not Understand thu Reezun foor hiz Sadnus and Srroo. Noo, thaa dq not Understand that hee Weeps foor THEM — and not foor himself! Yes, thu Hevnz WEEP foor thu Children uv Kunfuuzhun: beekawz thaa koud hav had JOI and TRQ Hapeenus, bii Oobaaing thu Lawz uv Liif; but, instead, thaa hav Choozun tq Reebel and Disoobaa, and theirfoor thaa hav SIKNUS and SADNUS, and u hool List uv Aalmunts and Problumz, hwich thaa never Needid tq hav! Woo tq them, if thaa LOUK DOWN on thooz Peepoul hq Weep foor their Lost Soolz.

22) Oo mii Cheirisht Verjin Dawterz, if ii shoud Teech tq uu NQ Lesunz frum thu Hiiust Skql uv Lerning, woud uu Lisun tq mee? Vaan and Fqlish Wqmmen wil not Lisun tq mee; but, wil UU Lisun tq mee? Wil uu at leest TRII tq Understand mii Werdz uv Trqth? Ii wil Kunfes that ii am Week-miindid, kumpeird with King Solumun; but, hee gaav tq mee thu KEEZ tq thu Kingdum uv Awl that iz Goud, and hee Tawt tq mee HOW tq get Wizdum and Goud Understanding. Hee sed tq OOBAA AWL uv thu Lawz and Rqlz uv thu Supreem Rqler, and that THAT, ITSELF, woud giv tq mee Wizdum and Goud Understanding. Theirfoor, ii must Kunfes tq uu, oo Onust Dawterz uv Kween Izubelu, that ii hav NOT Oobaad AWL, noor hav ii bin soo Blest az King Solumun; but, uu wil dq veiree wel tq Hir AWL that ii saa: beekawz ii am sertenlee moor Blest than moost Wqmmen.

23) Hir mee now, oo Luving Dawterz uv Graat Faath, and ii wil beegin tq Teech tq uu BRAND NQ LESUNZ frum thu Uuniversoul Kolij uv Uusfoul Nolij. Oopen yoor Iner Irz uv Faath and Hoop, and bee Paashunt: beekawz thu Graatust Mistreez uv Liif rr HIDN within Drrk Saaingz uv Oold, and oonlee thu Sinsir Luverz uv thu HOOL TRQTH ever Diskuver them. Indeed, oonlee thooz Wiiz Peepoul hq hav moor Faath, ever goo Serching foor thu Goold uv Trqth, hwich shal maak them Ekseedinglee RICH with thu Trq Richuz! Theirfoor, dq not giv up on yoor Trezher Hunt, az menee Faathlus Peepoul hav dun; but, bee Dilujunt: beekawz ii Promis tq uu that their iz u veiree GRAAT Reewoord waating foor awl Faathfoul Peepoul hq PERSIST! Blest rr their Soolz, and Blest rr awl hq Beeleev mii Werdz uv Trqth. Indeed, ii did not ask uu tq Beeleev enee LIIZ, noor Miths; but, ii oonlee askt uu tq Beeleev mii Werdz uv TRQTH! Theirfoor, Kast AWL Dowt and Unbeeleef OWT uv yoor Miind, and AKSEPT thooz Thingz that uu NOO rr Trq. Theirfoor, dq not Reejekt thee intiier Mowntn uv Trqth, just beekawz uu thingk that uu hav fownd u litoul Fawlt — oor u litoul Stumblingstoon on thu Path uv Liif — hwich sum Peepoul kawl u LII. Dq not Trip oover yer oon Feet, noor Stumboul oover yer oon Igneruns, and Fawl intq sum Deep Drrk Pit uv Unbeeleef, just foor u Lak uv TRUST in thu Liit uv TRQTH; but, WOCH hweir uu rr gooing on yoor Jernee thrq Liif, and STRIIV tq Reech yoor Destunaashun in thu Hoolee Kingdum uv Awl that iz Goud: beekawz nuthing iz soo Reewoording, Foulfiling, and Satisfiiing tq thu Sool.

24) Now, ii noo that wun uv thu moost Difukult Thingz that u Bodee ever did, wuz tq maak u CHAANJ uv Habits; but, THAT iz hwut MUST BEE DUN, if wee Sinsirlee Intend tq get this Werld on thu Riit Path in thu Graat Galuksee uv Unlimitid Thots. It iz Trq that it iz Difukult tq Teech OOLD Dogz NQ Triks; but, uu kan awl bee Yung at Hrrt, mii Dawterz, noo mater how Oold uu get, and theirfoor uu kan eezulee Lern yoor Lesunz: beekawz uu hav moor Luv and Kumpashun. Indeed, ii woud not kawl uu mii Dawterz, if that wuz not thu Kaas with uu. In Fakt, uu feel Srree foor awl uv thu milyunz uv Poor Hunggree Children in this Werld uv Wooz — hwutever their Aajuz miit bee — hq Need Goud Fqdz liik this tq Feest on. And their rr menee 60-Yir-Oold Peepoul hq hav thu Miind and Understanding uv 6-Yir-Ooldz. Theirfoor, Trii tq Beir with them, hwiil thaa awlsoo Lern: beekawz wee rr AWL Lerning Nq Lesunz, evree Daa, and their rr thowzundz — yes, perhaps MILYUNZ — uv Sweet Frqts, with an USTOWNDING Vuriiutee uv Flaaverz, hwich wee hav not eeven Taastid! Soo, shoud wee Juj and Kundem them, beefoor wee eevn Taast uv them? Kan wee Juj them bii hwut wee hav oonlee Herd ubowt them? Kan wee Juj them bii thee OWTWERD UPIRUNS, oonlee? However, that iz thu Waa that sum Peepoul Juj this Ekstreemlee Goud Bouk, withowt eevn reeding it wun Tiim foor themselvz, just in Oorder tq fiind owt hwut thaa miit Diskuver, hwich uther Peepoul uv les Intelujuns OOVERLOUKT. However, thaa Trust their Vaan and Thotlus Naaberz tq Juj it Koorektlee, oor thaa Beeleev hwut thaa Herd bii thee Unreeliiuboul Nqz Reepoorterz; but, Wiiz Peepoul woud Wont tq Taast uv it foor themselvz: beekawz their Taast Budz Werk DIFRUNTLEE! Mooroover, uu Pitee thooz Peepoul hq rr not Aaboul tq reed noor riit; and soo dq ii. Theirfoor, let us Trii tq Understand HWII it iz soo Difukult foor them tq Lern HOW tq reed and riit. Their must bee u Goud Reezun, and ii thingk that uu wil sqn Ugree with mee, wuns ii tel uu thu Reezun. Not evreewun haz thu Paashuns that uu hav. Not evreewun kan Reemember az wel az uu dq. Not evreewun fiindz theez Werdz INTERESTING; but, UU fiind them EKSTREEMLEE Intristing: beekawz thaa rr Inliitning tq thu Miind, and espeshulee if yoor Miind iz awlredee veiree Inliitnd!